Hospital Regulations Gifts

Remember to wash your hands: "...but not compulsively."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"We won!"

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"These are just the guidelines, the forms are in the truck outside!"

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

Dr Ed Henderson demonstrates that it IS possible for someone to become too familiar with the safety rules.

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

How Many It Takes

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

'That's our corporate ladder.'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'