Hospital Legal Buffer Gifts

'Don't worry, I haven't sued any patients. I got the J.D. as a deterrent to lawsuits!'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Planet of the Lawyers

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

Upholding the Law

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

"My agent."

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'