Legal Buff Gifts

"How did this case ever get so far?"

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

'You can't start a job interview with 'How are you ?' It's a veiled inquiry into my general health.'

Evolutionary Development of Lawyers.

"I'll sue you for copyright infringement."

"My client, age 87, will claim age discrimination if he's not allowed to play."

'Just because you're the lowest scum of the Earth, a complete misfit of society, a smalltime worthless punch, doesn't mean I won't give you a fairy trial.'

"Every time I click 'accept' for these online user agreements, a piece of my soul dies."

'My client never actually SOLD secrets to the Chinese, your honor,.. he traded them for firecrackers.'

'Hah! -- I've been found in contempt by better judges than YOU!'

'We've been unfairly dissed...'

'The whole hand Mr. Tamano.'

Houdini's Brief Legal Career. You don't have to put an escape clause in every contract Harry.

Witness Protection Program

Upholding the Law

'Donut shop is down the hall to your right - and I'm not answering any more questions without my lawyer present.'

Planet of the Lawyers

'Remember, Son - You're never too young to litigate.'

Judge hearing two cases at once

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"Sounds like you're still in with a chance."

'That defense lawyer was really brilliant at jury selection...just ask the defendant!'

"No, it's either community service or jail time, counsellor. Attending 'Riverdance' is not a sentencing option."

'Under the new privacy law, you can't tell me any of your symptoms.'

"Close. But, you're thinking of a vampire."

'My attorney will explain the restrictions and responsibilities on your wishes.'

"Yeah, he's something alright! But do you know that if a genetically modified organism gives you his seeds, he can sue you for copyright infringement?"

'Sign this notarised statement that you will not sue the NHS if you contract lung cancer, and the government will let you buy fags at half price.'

Babies look so innocent. The trick is finding a really cranky jury.

'My comment on our health care ruling? It's a relief to finally get my pre-existing conditions covered!'

Once again, you've not done your homework

'We need more time, Kevin... my lawyer barely knows your lawyer.'

'Notify Legal.. my new turbo-powered paper-shredder ate my desk.'

'Actually, the glove did fit.'