Court Buff Gifts

Before it even began this would become one of the longest trials on record.

'Oh yeah? Well, Murphy's law doesn't apply here.'

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

"You're fired."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

Sue the Author 3PM

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Planet of the Lawyers

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"No officer, I didn't what the speed limit was. Those signs were going by too fast."

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'Mrs Witch, you're being accused of using a poisoned apple to send a young girl into a death-like sleep. I'm placing you under arrest for the possession of illegal drugs.'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Lady to man in netted car: 'Stinkin' speed trap.'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Why is it always about me?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

Newton's Law and Order.

"I've got a wall I need to get to, officer."

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

Privatized Jails

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"I think it's a subpoena!"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

'This is just a routine check, sir - who did you vote for in the last election?'

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

Upholding the Law