Legal Buff Pillows

"How did this case ever get so far?"

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

'You can't start a job interview with 'How are you ?' It's a veiled inquiry into my general health.'

"My client, age 87, will claim age discrimination if he's not allowed to play."

"I'll sue you for copyright infringement."

'Just because you're the lowest scum of the Earth, a complete misfit of society, a smalltime worthless punch, doesn't mean I won't give you a fairy trial.'

'My client never actually SOLD secrets to the Chinese, your honor,.. he traded them for firecrackers.'

"Every time I click 'accept' for these online user agreements, a piece of my soul dies."

'The whole hand Mr. Tamano.'

'We've been unfairly dissed...'

'Hah! -- I've been found in contempt by better judges than YOU!'

'Remember, Son - You're never too young to litigate.'

'Donut shop is down the hall to your right - and I'm not answering any more questions without my lawyer present.'

Upholding the Law

Witness Protection Program

Planet of the Lawyers

Judge hearing two cases at once

'Under the new privacy law, you can't tell me any of your symptoms.'

"No, it's either community service or jail time, counsellor. Attending 'Riverdance' is not a sentencing option."

'That defense lawyer was really brilliant at jury selection...just ask the defendant!'

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"Sounds like you're still in with a chance."

'Actually, the glove did fit.'

'My attorney will explain the restrictions and responsibilities on your wishes.'

'Notify Legal.. my new turbo-powered paper-shredder ate my desk.'

'We need more time, Kevin... my lawyer barely knows your lawyer.'

Once again, you've not done your homework

"Yeah, he's something alright! But do you know that if a genetically modified organism gives you his seeds, he can sue you for copyright infringement?"

'Sign this notarised statement that you will not sue the NHS if you contract lung cancer, and the government will let you buy fags at half price.'

'My comment on our health care ruling? It's a relief to finally get my pre-existing conditions covered!'

Babies look so innocent. The trick is finding a really cranky jury.

"A kleptomaniac helps himself because he can't help himself!"

"He said his first word today - compensation."

"Objection, your Honor! This is clearly an immaterial witness!"