Hospital Lobby Lurkers Gifts

'This one was too patient.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

"Just give me the truth, Doc...I can tell when you're trying to humor me."

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

Hell's Angels

"When they said they were bringing in students I thought they meant MEDICAL students."

"Everyone loved working with Doctor Patel... Beer!"

NHS Efficiency Drive

Doctor and nurse having a chat.

"Good?"

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

"So laughter isn't the best medicine..."

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'I like your spirit - nine out of ten people would admit roller-disco wasn't for them!'

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'

Surgery / Canteen - The perplexities of priorites.

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

'After $20,000 worth of tests, we couldn't find anything wrong with you...so we're suing you for 'malpatient'.'

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'