Hospital Governance Gifts

Whistle-blow while you work.

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Virtual Doctor

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

London GPs could become an endangered species.

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Long shift?'

'I know it's overdue but I've been in Intensive Care.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

Medical Equipment profit chart.

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Doctors Discussion

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.