Horizontal Enthusiast Gifts

A horizontal by nature, Jake didn't care for all the flack he was taking from the up-and-down people.

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Triangle

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"I can hear Brooklyn becoming played out."

Lots of famous art may have been inspired by taxes. Jackson Pollack's "Number 5" could be a visual representation of global regulations. And perhaps Rodin's "The Thinker" is a man trying to understand those rules. Maybe Roy Lichtenstein's "Ohhh ... Alright ..." shows a woman being told to continue holding to get her tax question answered. And they there's Edvard Munch's "The Scream" ... Nothing makes you feel like that more than preparing a tax return!

"Nihilistic customer service"

Welcome to Everest! No Loitering.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

Holiday cottage

The Earth studying our cities with much interest

Business Sisyphus

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

These upside-down tomato planters simplify everything. But, dad. Mother nature wants plants to grow upwards. Sez who?

'Don't know much about art but I know what I like.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

'New in town, hey? Let me show you a great condo tower.'

Man falls off perch

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

"I'm so confident that when I climb a ladder."

"But if I say I'm in denial then, by definition, I'm not in denial."

A Sculptor chiselling out 'The Invisible Man' from a block of stone.

"So this is the lovely view of trees..."

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

"But is it..?"