Honeymoon Skeptics Gifts

"It worries me that you keepreferring to our honeymoon as our 'honeymoon period.'"

Marriage least expected to last...

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

The Sleeping Congregation.

"Excuse me, dear...the rickshaw phone...."

"I think it was about time you told me about the honeymoon."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

"We'll always have Paris. I backed it up on a zip drive."

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"He's falsified data, he's falsified results...and now he says he loves me."

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"And you're telling me this because?"

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"Nigel, I thought the idea of us honeymooning in Aspen was we were going to learn to ski together."

"Not on my watch..."

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love that you don't have a podcast."

'I didn't know our relationship was SUPPOSED to be going anywhere.'