Marriage Skeptic Gifts

'He's the wrong size.'

Stay Tuned

"Martha, are you sure you're not marrying me for money?"

No Mum, I'm not gonna marry him...once she's dead I won't have to deal with this crap. Oh god, what am I thinking?

Marriage least expected to last...

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'I suppose I'll get married some day - I just don't want to be there when it happens.'

'I always sign in pencil - it's easier to rub out...'

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"

"I decided not to get married. . . there are too many 'cringe benefits'."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

The Sleeping Congregation.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

Cupid misses his shot.

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'We're looking for a minister who recognizes that relationships have a built in obsolesces.'

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."