Honest Conversationalist Pillows

"Fred is heterosexual, but I'd wish he'd be a little more blatant about it."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

The Algonquin Round Table

Heart To Heart

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

Bat out of Hell

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'I don't think you're trying hard enough to look at things from the sinner's perspective, Reverend.'

"Try the fish. It's brain food"