Polite Conversationalist Pillows

The Society of Civil Engineers

Confusion over umbrellas

"They say it could get quite warm next week."

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

"So, what is your star sign?"

Bat out of Hell

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

Statue of Christopher Columbus

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'