Companionable Conversationalist Pillows

A teacup and teapot

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Snow is falling...

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Heart To Heart

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'I don't think you're trying hard enough to look at things from the sinner's perspective, Reverend.'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'Sam's not really a seafaring man but he can yo-ho-ho with the best of them.'

"What if I tried again with an English accent?"

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

'I'll tell you my subtext, if you tell me yours.'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"All the good ones are neutered."

Social butterfly

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

'Charles, we hired you distinctly because you're a people person.'

'We're rich! We're rich! My mum's got goldstones!'

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.

'I take after my Daddy - He's a confirmed batchelor!'

"Hey, baby - that doesn't mean you!"