Empathetic Conversationalist Pillows

"If you want to speak 'with' someone that means you're opened-minded..."

Why we need poetry. . .

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Cares and woes.

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"We must do something about these refugees..."

Heart To Heart

"Thanks, I knew I could count on you to turn my problem into something way worse that happened to you."

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

Statue of Christopher Columbus

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

4,489 American troops lost their lives in Iraq, and thousands were seriously wounded for life. Some accounts say half a million Iraqis died because of the war. But you know what? If it turns out they all sacrificed in vain, then that's the most powerful reminder there is that wars of choice do not end well. ... In which case they did NOT sacrifice in vain. I've forgotten what you just said.

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'I don't think you're trying hard enough to look at things from the sinner's perspective, Reverend.'

'I don't know how you stand listening to people's problems all of the time, Doctor Barnes.'

'OK, nod a little slower this time. Then let's work on saying 'mm-hmm, go on' ...you try it.'

'Yes, puberty did put me through a lot of stress. . . but it was my daughters puberty.'

'I'll tell you my subtext, if you tell me yours.'

Social butterfly

4th of July and PTSD

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

'Charles, we hired you distinctly because you're a people person.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem? My baby won't stop crying. How do I get her to stop? What do you mean, "get her to stop"? Your baby's a human being and she already has things she wants to tell you. Crying is the only language she knows. Just hold her, tell her "I hear you" ... ... AND GROW A THICKER SKIN! BABY TEARS AREN'T LITTLE GRENADES, LOSER! I wish she'd just text me like everyone else.

"I don’t know if this is just the cashews talking, but I find you absolutely delightful."

Deflate counselling service

"You haven't had sex since 1959? You shouldn't complain - it's only ten past eight now..."

"Hey, baby - that doesn't mean you!"

'I usually say what I think.'. . .'I usually think what I say.'

"Hopefully my body language tells you all you need to know."