Heartfelt Conversationalist Pillows

"Emotionally he's a child and physically he's a child."

Heart To Heart

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

Words of Love

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."