Confident Conversationalist Pillows

'I don't have to be a good loser. I never lose.'

"Note to self: You are one helluva guy. Can't wait to catch up with you after work!"

Why we need poetry. . .

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

Prisoner speech

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Social butterfly

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

'Charles, we hired you distinctly because you're a people person.'

"Hey, baby - that doesn't mean you!"

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

"I don’t know if this is just the cashews talking, but I find you absolutely delightful."

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

'Yes that's right I ordered 2 doubles. Why, did you want a drink too?'

"And if I may tell you, in strictest confidence..."

"Compliments of the gentleman who obviously has no issues with rejection."

"Do you play?"

Like a fine wine, some me improve with age.