Honest Conversationalist Mugs

"Fred is heterosexual, but I'd wish he'd be a little more blatant about it."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"So, what is your star sign?"

Heart To Heart

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Bat out of Hell

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

Quizzo tonight! Win a tee shirt! Trivia is my middle name, but I have all the tee shirts I need. So, tell me something: Are there Quizzo groupies?

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'I don't think you're trying hard enough to look at things from the sinner's perspective, Reverend.'