Home Surgery Humorist Gifts

"People make a fuss about qualifications but with a bit of common sense anyone can do what these medical types do!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"It was a botched surgery."

'No it's still not fixed'

How to Build a Bungalow

"Rolling pizza cutter."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Great Moments in Art History: 1898 Francis Barraud finds inspiration after having his dog spayed.

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

Plastic surgery is a scream.

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

"Did you get some work done?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.