Home Run Artist Gifts

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

Planting veggies

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

Indoor Football

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

'Hang in there for a few more minutes! It's looking good! Almost got it!'

Headlines at Our House

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

David Ortiz a.k.a Big Papi

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

'The salad bar's coming in early this year!!'

"What's on the Bear Channel?"

"A little high and inside."

"After working from home for ten months, I quit my job to spend less time with my family."

'Dr Yomp's laxatives works for you, and loosens up the slots at the casino!'

"If you don't have time to take care of everything, Sir, Mom's vegetable garden would be a good thing to let go."

"You said gardening would be duck soup. This is vegetable soup."

"Man, he pulled that one out of thin air!"

'That's it! The lost chord!'

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."

'The used to be 'slippers', but now they're 'shoes for watching sports on TV'!'

'Hi Hon, just calling to let you know I'm on my way home.'

'You can't beat home groan.'