Home Run Artist Gifts

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

Planting veggies

Shower curtain call.

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

Indoor Football

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

"I guess the tomatoes were just a gateway plant."

Headlines at Our House

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

'Hang in there for a few more minutes! It's looking good! Almost got it!'

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

'The salad bar's coming in early this year!!'

David Ortiz a.k.a Big Papi

"A little high and inside."

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

"What's on the Bear Channel?"

"After working from home for ten months, I quit my job to spend less time with my family."

"You said gardening would be duck soup. This is vegetable soup."

"If you don't have time to take care of everything, Sir, Mom's vegetable garden would be a good thing to let go."

"Man, he pulled that one out of thin air!"

'Dr Yomp's laxatives works for you, and loosens up the slots at the casino!'

Robot League Baseball. The player upgrades are great this year! New batteries and antennas will increase our home runs and decrease strike outs. They'll hit with more power, yet still make consistent contact! A software patch will cut down on errors. And the catcher's signs are encrypted now so they won't get stolen. Even with all that stuff, the most important upgrade is organic, grown in a biology lab! Yeah, every member of the pitching staff has a live arm!

'That's it! The lost chord!'

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."

'Hi Hon, just calling to let you know I'm on my way home.'

'You can't beat home groan.'