Home Sweet Homers Gifts

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

Baseball batting cage theater La Cage Aux Folles.

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

Nest building

'Phase Two : More of the same'

"Tia Carmen, is this our house or is it our home?"

Changing house name.

"I'm so much more relaxed now that I got a reverse mortgage."

"A little high and inside."

'Well! Another near miss! Remind me not to listen to you next time you say it's okay to move in downstairs from a young family and that's not the reason the place was so cheap!'

"Homeowner please help."

David Ortiz a.k.a Big Papi

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

'The Pentagon has ruled, Sargeant, since the barracks is your home,you can keep a dog, or a cat, but not both.'

I don't care if they are a protected species, Henry, I'm calling the exterminator!!

"Did you not hear me when I said I wanted a colonial?"

"Murray, I need you to push a little harder on my home sale. I'm starting to get a little under water on my mortgage."

"Man, he pulled that one out of thin air!"

Robot League Baseball. The player upgrades are great this year! New batteries and antennas will increase our home runs and decrease strike outs. They'll hit with more power, yet still make consistent contact! A software patch will cut down on errors. And the catcher's signs are encrypted now so they won't get stolen. Even with all that stuff, the most important upgrade is organic, grown in a biology lab! Yeah, every member of the pitching staff has a live arm!

"I'm broke, I'm back...and I'm willing to discuss law school."