Home Chef Hilarity Gifts

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'Needs more kale.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

"How many times must I tell you, the floor is sloping?"

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

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Intolerant Chef

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

'To cook is to dare!'

"Maybe Dracula wasn't the best one to try this new detergent."

Your Dinner is in the Tin

'I found a way to make dinner in half the time. I don't finish it.'

'I thought it was my turn to cook, but I didn't make anything because I wanted you to take me out to eat.'

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

Beard helper

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken.' 'It tastes like chicken.'

"Tia Carmen, did you ever use a stool to cook?"

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

"...P.S. Stay off the furniture!"

Ties and Jackets Required.

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

'I can't wait to tell the vet what a great mouser you are.'

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"And remember, no tormenting the cat while I'm at work!"

"Sure it tastes like homemade... your wife works here."