Home Chef Extraodinaire T-Shirts

"Unusual turkey darling!" "Thanks, it's made out of Brussel sprouts!"

Come dine with me!

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"You do like octopus?"

'Like death by salad.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

Party time.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

"Ah! The Amazing Mommy and her tray of condiments!"

'... But, why do you want me to sign a "waiver of liability form"?'

'Go on - they're organic!'

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"Happy thanksgiving!"

Scales

'It's amazing how many recipes you can find with courgettes in them when you have to'

Mankind's earliest ancestor emerges from the primordial ooze, closely followed by a prehistoric species of re-sealable plastic containers.

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"When a man is tired of pasta, sir, he is tired of life. Dr. Johnson."

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

Stay at home food pyramid

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."