Gourmet Home Chef T-Shirts

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"You do like octopus?"

Domestic Goddess.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Cookbooks

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

Party time.

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

Yes. As a matter of fact he IS an indoor cat.

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"Gigot de sept heures."

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."