Home Chef Extraordinaire T-Shirts

'It's amazing how many recipes you can find with courgettes in them when you have to'

Cook Book: Your dinner is on page 28.

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

Impossicle.

'Ah, you can't beat simple home cooking!'

I don't want to see you working so hard on your birthday!

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

"The fire department ruined dinner."

Come dine with me!

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"You do like octopus?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Party time.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Witch's Brew.

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

'The kids are on a hunger strike, I'm on a diet, and you're on your own.'

'... But, why do you want me to sign a "waiver of liability form"?'

'Go on - they're organic!'

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"Happy thanksgiving!"

Scales

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'We share the load - she cooks it, I eat it.'