Holy Humor Gifts

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Isn't he wonderful? You get the feeling he's looking and talking directly to you."

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

They're short of staff!

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Night-time halo

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

The Adventures of God

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"OMG, LOL!"

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Freshly ground pepper?"