Holy Humorist Gifts

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

God's Wrath Level: high.

'I'm afraid neither of my parents are at home... Are they Dad? '

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

Thankyou for choosing our automated service - for venial sins, press one...'

'Every Lent it's the same-I've nothing to give up!'

'Yeah, but I'd like to be led into temptation just once, to see how I'd do.'

Holy Mackerel

'I've met our new neighbours and I get the feeling they're heavily religious.'

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

'World's Greatest Dad'

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

In his youth, Jesus worked as a scarecrow, although he wasn't very good at it.

'It's For You.'

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".

"Holy Mackerel!"

Moses parts the Red Sea.

Nun hammering with a crucifix

'We are gathered here...'

Young Jesus learning to walk on water with waterwings around his ankles.

"No body of Christ for me, thanks - I'm trying to cut back on carbs."

"Do you mind, Mrs Trimble! I'm about to conduct a christening!"

'Prayer services held in pub' "Same again please..."

Holy Relics.

How's my Sermon . . .

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

You realize this means 6 more weeks of lent.

I'm not pontificiating, am I?

'You'll love these, sir - you'll think you're walking on water!'

'Sometimes I envy Christ; at least he knew when it was his Last Supper.'