Holy Humorist Pillows

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

God's Wrath Level: high.

'I'm afraid neither of my parents are at home... Are they Dad? '

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

Thankyou for choosing our automated service - for venial sins, press one...'

'Every Lent it's the same-I've nothing to give up!'

'I've met our new neighbours and I get the feeling they're heavily religious.'

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

Holy Mackerel

'Yeah, but I'd like to be led into temptation just once, to see how I'd do.'

Young Jesus learning to walk on water with waterwings around his ankles.

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

In his youth, Jesus worked as a scarecrow, although he wasn't very good at it.

'It's For You.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"Do you mind, Mrs Trimble! I'm about to conduct a christening!"

"No body of Christ for me, thanks - I'm trying to cut back on carbs."

"Holy Mackerel!"

Moses parts the Red Sea.

Nun hammering with a crucifix

'We are gathered here...'

Holy Relics.

How's my Sermon . . .

'Prayer services held in pub' "Same again please..."

'You'll love these, sir - you'll think you're walking on water!'

'Technically, you do qualify for five weeks of vacation, but your request for 35 Sundays off has to go under review.'

'Sometimes I envy Christ; at least he knew when it was his Last Supper.'

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

I'm not pontificiating, am I?

"Open Wide and say, 'aaaaa-men'!"

It was clear that, once again, Lyle was not being nominated for sainthood.