Holy Humor Pillows

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Isn't he wonderful? You get the feeling he's looking and talking directly to you."

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

They're short of staff!

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Night-time halo

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

"Surgery up here is free!"

The Adventures of God

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"OMG, LOL!"

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."