Holy Book Humorist Pillows

"Noah, what do you think are the most dangerous animals you've brought abroad the ark?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

Night-time halo

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

The Adventures of God

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Freshly ground pepper?"