Holy Book Humorist Pillows

"Noah, what do you think are the most dangerous animals you've brought abroad the ark?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Night-time halo

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

The Adventures of God

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'