Connoisseur Of Holy Humor Pillows

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Night-time halo

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"He's a guard dog."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

Knickerless Cage.

'Take me to you lieder.'

"That's our new church mascot."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"Every Thursday I do her nails."