Connoisseur Of Holy Humor Gifts

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Night-time halo

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"He's a guard dog."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"That's our new church mascot."

'Take me to you lieder.'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"Every Thursday I do her nails."