Religious Humor Connoisseur Gifts

"I'm NOT pontificating!"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"You call this a constitution?"

Dogma

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

Sermon Applause.

'Please take your receipt!'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

Finger puppets in church.

A woman in prayer

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'