Religious Humor Connoisseur Pillows

"I'm NOT pontificating!"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"You call this a constitution?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

Dogma

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Pope tarts.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

Sermon Applause.

'Please take your receipt!'

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

A woman in prayer

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

Finger puppets in church.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."