Religion Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'They're not SUPPOSED to turn you on!'

"When we said 'Lead us not into temptation,' we didn't mean it had to be a DESERT!"

"I think people who are non-denominational have commitment issues."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"You call this a constitution?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

Dogma

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Please take your receipt!'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Finger puppets in church.

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

A woman in prayer

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

Om and Ommer

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"His name is Jonah. Are you sure you haven't seen him?"

"I've got dominion, I've got dominion..."

Nativity - The sitcom

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'