Religion Humor Aficionado Gifts

Et Tu, God?

Three Parent Baby

'Can you take away my worms?'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"You call this a constitution?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

Dogma

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Pope tarts.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Please take your receipt!'

Sermon Applause.

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

United Church of OMG

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."