Holy Humorists Gifts

The Bible, signed copy.

Angels shopping in a store called "Heaven Pharmacy: Self-serve"

"I don't get it. I've prayed to God to get rich just like the televangelist told me. but nothing happened."

"...Can you please put a couple of pounds on the Bishop of London in the Canterbury race?"

'Glory be! Father Ignatius has been enabled.'

'No, anything not specifically prohibited is NOT necessarily okay!'

'Personal?...No, I assure you, my relationship with God is strictly professional.'

'You were in the mafia? Sorry, admission denied - on orders of the Pope.'

"No! It's lo! (as in behold) - not lol Laughing Out Loud!"

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

Night-time halo

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

The Adventures of God

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"OMG, LOL!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Divine Desk Bins