Holy Hilarity Gifts

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'THAT'S the Holy Land? - You're kidding, right?'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Night-time halo

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I thought there would be bacon here."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Local News in Heaven

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

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Shoe repair

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

"Holy Mackerel!"

'We are gathered here...'

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

Angels shopping in a store called "Heaven Pharmacy: Self-serve"

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

"Holy water, holy water...."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

How's my Sermon . . .

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'