Humorously Holy Gifts

Quality Assurance

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

Night-time halo

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

United Church of OMG

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

"Holy Mackerel!"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'We are gathered here...'

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

"Holy water, holy water...."

How's my Sermon . . .

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Vicar In Spectacles

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'