Humorously Holy Gifts

Quality Assurance

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

Night-time halo

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

United Church of OMG

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

'We are gathered here...'

"Holy Mackerel!"

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

How's my Sermon . . .

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"Holy water, holy water...."

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

'World's Greatest Dad'

Vicar In Spectacles

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.