Religious Humorous Gifts

"He just loves the lumps of gold you bought him last year."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"You call this a constitution?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Dogma

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Pope tarts.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

St. Elmo's fired.

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

Sermon Applause.

United Church of OMG

'Please take your receipt!'

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'