Holy Hilarity Enthusiast Gifts

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"I mistakenly stood in the doorway when kids sunday school released."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

Night-time halo

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

'This is way better than a litter box.'

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'It's my latest novel, 'Hard Times' part 2.'

Norman Wisdom at the Pearly Gates

'I got a job working for Google Earth.'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

God's Law.

"Holy Mackerel!"

'We are gathered here...'

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

'Golly, is it that time already?'