Heavenly Humor Appreciator Gifts

'And how satisfied are you with the facilities? 1 very satisfied, 2 satisfied but with some reservations, 3...'

"Bad news - you're alive, so you have to go back down."

"I don't think so."

'You brought BAGELS?'

'I was good my whole life. And for what?'

'I was never convicted! Doesn't that count for something!?'

Devils Heads As Trophies

'And now the first and fifth characters of your password.'

"We're getting reports that the joyful noise up here is exceeding lawful decibel levels."

'I realize that this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'

"No office gossip! No sexual harassment of female employees! Nobody to push around! No bonus payments! Man, this place is pure hell!!"

'Now roll over and play dead.'

'It's hard to believe that they started out with just SEVEN deadly sins.'

Angel falling in live with cloud that looks like a woman

No oysters killed during construction of pearly gates.'

Parvenu!

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"I don't care what Doctor Laura said is okay!"

Heaven and Hell

Dirt Angel

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

"How many times do I have to tell you? Always separate your whites before you put them in the wash!"

'This is way better than a litter box.'

'They were all out of wings.'

'Oh, so now I'm the bad guy. I just really don't think this is the right time to discuss the direction our relationship is headed.'

Glad Tidings.

Dog heaven

'We feel it's rather presumptuous of you to think mergers apply only to life on earth!'

"Uh-oh, there go the dinosaurs."

"I'm still adjusting."

"Wow Jesus, you don't look anything like your pictures."

The gates of heaven have security cameras.

Angel Stands In Line At Hell's Complaints Desk

Actually, the "you can't take it with you" rule wasn't implemented until somebody wanted to come in with bagpipes.

"I think my wife would forgive a posthumous affair."