Heavenly Humor Lover Gifts

'How would you rate the treatment you received from your HMO? Poor, fair, good, excellent?'

"Sorry, your wings are still on back-order."

Just before The Big Bang

"They're not taking any chances, we have to wait two weeks to get in."

"Let's be reasonable. Just approve my client, and we'll all be spared a lot of nasty litigation."

"You were a veterinarian? Would you take a look at my left wing?"

'We've always used profiling.'

Gambling in Heaven - Losing your halo.

'Do these wings make my bum look big?'

"Somehow I thought it would be different up here."

Angels flock to a bird-feeder.

'You dance divinely!'

'You know, predestination would speed things up a little on judgement day.'

'This outfit...does it only come in this color?'

'I was innocent.'

"It's cool, but you kinda miss the trumpet fanfare, right?"Sign: "WELCOME JOSH!"

Visual Gag / A man in Heaven replacing the AAA batteries for his halo

"...I only have one problem. I'm allergic to feathers!"

Angel to overweight angel, 'You're going to have to lose some weight, Wilson.'

'Oh my god.'

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.

'Make it threescore and ten, or we'll end up with a big Social Security crisis.'

Heaven Has VIP

"And finally, we have about two billion Thank God it's Friday proclamations."

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

". . . No, you're not in the bank anymore; don't you remember. . . ? The security guard shot you."

"When this is all done, I'd like to try something a little different. Maybe work with children.

"You're lucky that your parents donated a building to Heaven."

"Wanna trade guys? My guy annoys me already. I like your guy."

"Oh, another thing, …. the wings are strictly decorative."

"If you don't stop quoting scripture at me, Reverend, you will go to hell."

"He can't see us from there, can he?"

"I was lucky -- my parents went to Heaven."

"Death and taxes are for certain, Mr. Dooley; however, they're not mutually exclusive."

"We are only accepting bipartisans at this time."