Holiday Season Gifts

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

Non-Denominational Carols

Car driving towards a sign that reads "You are now entering The Holidays - No exits"

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

"I'm like Santa, but for 'Season's Greetings.' Here, have a box of cotton swabs."

"Main floor, aisle six, ladies' scarves. Shopper down."

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

The Fall Collection

"If they fit, we can return them."

"I got you a book on perspective."

"Right, the next couple through we'll strip search!"

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

'I'm calling you a cab.'

Pets on holiday.

"Another round?"

"Yes, I'm somewhat depressed, but seasonally adjusted I'm probably happy enough."

Happy everything to everybody.

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

"Come on...come on...throw it!"

December to January.

"Relax, Ms. Jones. I'm just X-raying this gift from my brother-in-law to see if I should re-gift it."

"This doesn't look like you."

"How about if this year you're in charge of the turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, green bean casserole, rolls, salads, and pies and I'm in charge of football viewing and bringing the little table up from the basement."

Reindeer in back of the plane wearing scarf that says 'Thanks for all the business'.

"I do all of my holiday shopping on line."

"Is this going to be a full flight?"

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

'Which Christmas tree lights do we want?'

"It's your grandparents, claiming their visitation rights."

'Does it look like we need internet-access?'

Mom - There's Nothing To Do.

'I do miss the change of seasons, but thanks to technology, I've offshored everything.'

A panhandler with a sign that reads "Think globally give locally".

"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"

'It's the last time I fly with a no-frills airline!'