Holiday Season Gifts

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

Non-Denominational Carols

Car driving towards a sign that reads "You are now entering The Holidays - No exits"

"I'm like Santa, but for 'Season's Greetings.' Here, have a box of cotton swabs."

"Main floor, aisle six, ladies' scarves. Shopper down."

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

"If they fit, we can return them."

The Fall Collection

"I got you a book on perspective."

"Right, the next couple through we'll strip search!"

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

'I'm calling you a cab.'

Pets on holiday.

"Yes, I'm somewhat depressed, but seasonally adjusted I'm probably happy enough."

"Another round?"

Happy everything to everybody.

"Relax, Ms. Jones. I'm just X-raying this gift from my brother-in-law to see if I should re-gift it."

December to January.

"This doesn't look like you."

"I do all of my holiday shopping on line."

"How about if this year you're in charge of the turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, green bean casserole, rolls, salads, and pies and I'm in charge of football viewing and bringing the little table up from the basement."

"Is this going to be a full flight?"

Reindeer in back of the plane wearing scarf that says 'Thanks for all the business'.

'I do miss the change of seasons, but thanks to technology, I've offshored everything.'

"It's your grandparents, claiming their visitation rights."

'Which Christmas tree lights do we want?'

Mom - There's Nothing To Do.

'Does it look like we need internet-access?'

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

"Do you think there's ANY possibility that the 76 pints of lager,13 bottles of wine and 12 kilos of chocolate you've had MAY have contributed to you feeling 'a bit under the weather'?"

"Can you smell carrots?"

'Isn't that the ghastly couple we met last summer in Rock?'

A panhandler with a sign that reads "Think globally give locally".

happy bellboy carrying suitcases

'It's the last time I fly with a no-frills airline!'