Holiday Sale Strategist Gifts

"OK...now they've gone too far! We're barely out of Halloween!"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Cut Price

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Orderly Conduct of Sales

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

Giant Sale!

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

"Did no one tell you that at this time of year everybody flies south?"

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'Shove' (at big sale).

Clothes sale - everything must go!

Sale today - 50% off everything!

"How can I word this Christmas card to my boss without wishing him a merry Christmas?"

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'We're looking for a sales manager that can take our sales momentum, during December and January, and carry it over for the year.'

'I hate when they do this.'

Christmas escape plan

All Our Furniture Genuinely Reduced!!!!

'I braved the Boxing Day sales just for you, dear.'

Sale! Everything Reduced!

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."