Xmas Strategist Gifts

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Friday, YOU were my Secret Santa?"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

"OK...now they've gone too far! We're barely out of Halloween!"

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'I hate when they do this.'

Christmas escape plan

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

Santa Claus Always Delivers

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

"I switch to this mask if I know the homeowner is more of a cat person."

"What do you get for the man who complains about everything?"

'Let's see what Santa has in his sack for a little boy or girl...'

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

"Ken does know that isn't real money, right?"

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

"He's your rich uncle. What do you buy the caveman who's hunted and gathered everything?"

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.