Festive Season Strategist Gifts

"Getting coal in my stocking is part of my winter energy plan."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Happy New Ear!

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

Santa Elevator

"Did no one tell you that at this time of year everybody flies south?"

Great Moment in North Pole History

"And if you don't know what to say, just say, 'Ho, ho, ho!''

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

"I'll see your two and raise you three."