Yuletide Strategist Gifts

"You just finish the drop-off, I'll handle the press."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"Friday, YOU were my Secret Santa?"

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"OK...now they've gone too far! We're barely out of Halloween!"

Eskimo putting fake snow on his Christmas tree

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

'I hate when they do this.'

Christmas escape plan

Santa Claus Always Delivers

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

"I switch to this mask if I know the homeowner is more of a cat person."

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'Let's see what Santa has in his sack for a little boy or girl...'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.