Holiday Strategist Gifts

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

Christmas escape plan

'How is your Christmas shopping going?'

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

'I've got the children busy finding a solution to the Middle East crisis...'

Buy 3 Easter Eggs and then get a Xmas Tree Free

A green man sitting on a beach imagining selling toys online

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

"Every year I give my grandparents the same thing. . . a list of everything I want for Christmas."

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

"I've learned the secret to a happy holiday season! When relatives come to visit...make sure they think you love the gifts they gave you last year."

"It's been proven that your right foot is bigger than the left, so always hang up your right sock."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"I'm out! I got a job at another Santa Claus company!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'He lives for his holidays.'

Christmas Tree

Sana's Back with his soot eating grin.

Tree in Dollar Shape.

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"Home depot."

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Horn of Leftovers

Happy Turkey Day!

Children's Dreams on Christmas Eve

"I have no toys just yet. I have a concept of a plan for toys...toys like no one has ever seen before."

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."