Holiday Strategists Gifts

"How am I going to raise enough money to buy my Christmas gifts this year?"

"Santa's workshopping"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

Tree in Dollar Shape.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'What if I promise not to look?'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

"What I should have done during vacation besides watching video games. . ."

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

"Did no one tell you that at this time of year everybody flies south?"

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"OK...now they've gone too far! We're barely out of Halloween!"

"How can I word this Christmas card to my boss without wishing him a merry Christmas?"

'I hate when they do this.'

Christmas escape plan

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

Santa Claus Always Delivers

The thinker Easter egg

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

The only sound preventative health advice for holiday eating.

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

"It's springtime in our new product department."