Festive Family Strategist Gifts

"Something with complicated instructions to keep my dad busy so I can play with my other toys by myself."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

"Wheeeeeeee!"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"This might take awhile, Lord."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Halloween Mobile

The Big Tree

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Santa in 'A Christmas Box'

'How come I never see you in church?'

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"If you're not a good boy, Santa will bring you only educational toys."

'Except...That.'

"Thanks for the super pirate ship, Mum."

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

Christmas escape plan

"It's a snow-grandad!"

Santa Claus Always Delivers

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

'Text your father and tell him I'm not talking to him!'

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."